If you have visited this site before, you would know that in the past, it was my modeling site. It’s still kind of is… that is, part of the site is still dedicated to my images of modeling even though I’m not doing as much as I used to.
You see, I have kind of a problem; I can’t do any one thing for very long. It’s not because I’m ADD or that I can’t focus. I can absolutely focus, sometimes too much, to the detriment of the rest of my life. No, the real problem is I want to do everything.
It was like this when I was a kid too. I was a part of theater, art, choir, and band, and I was in the flag Squad. I wanted to do sports, but my mother would not allow me; it wasn’t girly enough for her. Oh well.
I wanted to do everything, and I still want to do everything. There’s just so much to do, and we don’t live very long lives.
For example, this website, at one point, was my personal website, just about me. Then I started feeling weird about that because no one wants to listen to the story of some random chick from Arizona. I’m not that interesting. So then I was looking into being an affiliate marketer. Well, I started trying to turn this site into affiliate marketing.
Yeah… Can you say boring?
It’s a constant thing having to blog about a subject that is only partially interesting to me at given times. Yep, I tried to be a blogger and tried to be an affiliate marketer, and constantly looking at the not-so-great products that were being sold at exorbitant prices, it killed my soul. A little piece of me would die every time I put up one of those links, or I tried to convince people that they’re going to really like this new belt buckle device that prevents you from ever needing a belt buckle.
There was also my other website CatInstructionManual.com. That was another one of my attempts at being an affiliate marketer/blogger.
I tried to be an influencer at one point, what I did not realize that is a 24/7 job.
Affiliate marketers still have somewhat of social life, but influencers not at all. Unless you are an introvert, who loves to work all the time, I would not suggest influencing for you. Or you’re an ultra famous person who has a massive team of social media experts on your side, I would not recommend influencer as a job for you. I didn’t realize this going into it at the time oftentimes, you’re having to put on a persona that isn’t you at all. Because you want people to be as attracted to your post as possible, so you want to be magnetic and charming all the time in every picture and every caption; you end up completely denying a huge part of yourself to the public that is following your post.
It feels so wrong
As for being a model, it’s fun as a hobby, but even just the idea of trying to make it into a professional thing and getting paid for it (which I have been paid for it but not enough to actually really talk about) but making it into a profession no thank you.
I don’t want to constantly be thinking about how I look and how people are judging me.
Like, is there too much of a roll sticking out here, or is my makeup too smudged? There’s the constant uphill battle that you never really win, and as someone who has had body dysmorphia, it sucks. I just like being in front of a camera and doing my own version of adult dress-up.
Another problem with those types of jobs, affiliate marketing, influencing, and modeling, is that they have to be the center of your life no matter what. God forbid any kind of disaster happens in your life.
Every time I would start one of those things up and start getting really consistent with it, life would throw another hardball my way. You know, a burst pipe in the wall that makes you move out of your own place for months. Someone you’re dating goes to jail, and you want to act as though you’re a supportive girlfriend even though before they went to jail, you were thinking of breaking up with them.
Yeah, every time I think I could have things right, life is like, “Nope, I got this other thing to challenge you with.” Thank you, life, for keeping me in my place.
So with the pipe bursting in my wall in March 2022, and leaving me displaced even until now, September of 2022, I have moved twice. For the first two months, I was living with friends that were only 12 minutes from where my condo was, making it easy for me to go and pick up my mail and whatnot.
Things were getting rocky there, and I felt like I overstayed my welcome, so I decided to move in with my new boyfriend, which felt so weird, so weird because we’d only been together for a couple of months at that point.
Thankfully even though we have fought and figured things out and whatnot, we have done well for ourselves, and we’re actually quite happy as we are. He’s very chaotic and all over the place, and he’s definitely ADD, while I’m always hyper-focused. We are complete opposites in so many ways, but it works.
He has a house, and he has an extra room, and he gave me the extra room to do whatever I wanted with, and BAM, that’s why I’m recording in the closet of this extra room.
Why am I recording in the closet?
That’s another thing I decided to try being an audiobook narrator, yeah. So now I’ve got a mic, and I’ve got my little setup and some sound-reducing stuff which is basically just a Star Wars blanket and the other random things. I got this nice quiet little closet. Good thing I like small spaces, or else I would be very claustrophobic in here as there’s not much space to move; that’s okay, I like it. I like small spaces; I’m like a cat.
On top of trying out audiobook narrating, which I haven’t got my first contract yet, I’ve just been learning the whole process behind it and whatnot, and this week I’m going to be starting auditions. Wish me luck on that, guys.
I’ve also been doing software testing for Utest, which has been a lot of fun but also kind of boring at the same time.
Spending hours just searching through the same app to try it out and find all the bugs gets kind of boring after a bit, as I feel like there’s no real interaction there. But it allows me to try new things that no one has tried yet. I’ve gotten to play with devices that aren’t even on the market yet.
I’ve also tried being a chat operator, but that made me sick to my stomach.
It wasn’t so much the things I was required to type, but it was more just that there are people on those fantasy chat sites that think they’re talking to a real person and they’re making a real connection and then get so upset that they’re just being manipulated so that they’ll spend more money on credits.
It made me sad and upset for them because while most of them are kind of cringy old guys who spend way too much money on fantasy chat so they can say some pretty interesting things, there are some people on there who don’t seem to realize that it is just a fantasy site. It’s obvious it’s not helping their mental health much to be on there and to be constantly spending money on someone who’s not real. It took me less than a week of doing that to realize that it just was not for me.
So that’s just a little rundown of where I’ve been and what I’ve been doing. I look forward to hopefully creating more of these posts and whatnot for you, and even if no one’s waiting for me, have a good one y’all.
What have you been up to? Let me know in the comments❤️