Another photoshoot -A model, a blog, a dream

Photo from bronze dress shoot

I’m in the process of scheduling another modeling photoshoot. It’s been more than a year since I last did a shoot. It’s scary to think of getting back in front of a camera. 

I know my boyfriend doesn’t necessarily like the idea of me doing modeling again. He has tried to show support by offering to take pictures of me. However, he never gets around to it. He has plenty of reasons why. One of which is that he used to date someone who hated having her photo taken. 

Photo by NordWood Themes on Unsplash

Obviously, that’s not me

I like having my picture taken. It’s why I like modeling, even if I don’t see myself as a model, nor am I aiming to make a career of it.

Doing this photoshoot feels like something that I need to do for myself. My boyfriend’s anxieties shouldn’t get in my way.

A part of my fear is also I’m worried about certain people from my past discovering that I am modeling again. These are people who would rather see me hiding away and pretending I don’t want attention. 

Mio and Melody’s cat instruction manual site icon

There’s nothing wrong with wanting attention

Lately, I’ve been focusing on my first love, which is writing. I’ve been spending a lot of time building a new site using lessons from I’m creating a website focused on cat training, something I fell in love with because of my two girls Mio and Melody. If you’re interested in checking it out, it is called Mio and Melody’s Cat Instruction Manual.

As I’ve been learning more about blogging, niche blogging, affiliate marketing, and the like, I’ve come to realize something about this site. I’ve also come to realize something about myself. I need a personal space to be able to write about my own experiences. I had this over a decade ago with Open Diary and an online diary site that no longer exists.

However, in the past couple of years, since going through some significant changes in my life, I realized just using a third-party site to write about my experiences isn’t enough anymore.

Now I have this site. Time and time again, I have tried to do something with this site, and now I know what to do with it.

This space is for me

It’s a place for me to share my thoughts and experiences. I’m no longer going to try to write the posts here based on any particular audience or even trying to be relatable; if my readers relate to it, great! If they don’t, there’s plenty of other blogs on the internet. 

I like having my thoughts and feelings out there.

Empty bench looking out at a cloudy beach on Coney Island
Coney Island 2011

I’m still going to use this space to promote my modeling photos. I will have affiliate links to promote items I like and items I wear in my photoshoots. I might as well make some profit.

Speaking of money

I also revamped my Ko-Fi page and got rid of my Patreon page. No need to have both. If you’re interested in seeing the exclusive content there, it only takes a small donation. The good thing about Ko-fi vs. Patreon is the option to only pay once rather than signing up for a monthly subscription.  

I’m doing all of this because ever since I was little, I’ve always just wanted to write. I didn’t want to write about just anything; I wanted to write about what I saw, felt, and thought. 

My personal stories aren’t unusual or necessarily exciting. To me, they’re not, although I’ve been told by other people they are. It’s all a matter of perspective.

Why shouldn’t my stories also be a way to earn some income. My dream is to leave my service-based career and blog and go wherever I want and still make money.

Street Musicians New York 2011
Street Musicians New York 2011

Back to those fears

I spend every day lifting others. Encouraging and even supporting them and their dreams. To do this, I often say the things to them that I should be saying to myself. I often don’t say those things to myself. You see, there’s a big part of me that doesn’t believe I deserve to achieve my dreams. 

That part of me takes on the voices of the people from my past that I mentioned before—people who took time and effort to tear me apart.

Ultimately, I need to stop thinking about them. I need to think about what’s best for me. It doesn’t matter if what I feel is best might seem dumb or superficial by someone else. 

Selfie 2021 hands up eyes wide
Selfie 2021

They aren’t me 

If it’s something I genuinely want, there’s a reason why. I may not always know what the reason is. For all, I know it may be more significant than I can imagine at the moment. 

I am choosing to be OK with not knowing and just doing it. On some level, we all know there’s something bigger than what we can see that we can create. As children, we were consciously aware of this at all times, which led us to be fearless. 

Keep going

There will always be things in life that make it harder. There will always be people who make it harder. Sometimes we even have meltdowns over minor things, like the other day when I fell into tears because I had trouble figuring out a new plugin on my site. 

Keep moving forward. Do what you feel is best for you because only you know what that is. And for me, the best thing is for me to get back in front of a camera, write about it, and share those images.

I’ll see you on the other side if you’re fearless enough to push through.

Continue the conversation. Leave your thoughts in the comments below.

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